When Medicines Hurt
Searching for My
Hollow Self
~~~
My Scarlet S
Every morning when I wake, his voice is first to greet me with these words.
“How’s your mental health?” he jests.
Then once I take my daily pill, Depression is next to greet the dawn and fade my world to black and gray. On the outside, the world is flat and dull; on the inside, there’s nothing but an empty shell. And so begins my descent each day, searching for my hollow self.
It’s like searching for yourself in the House of Mirrors. I look in one mirror, and no, that vacant face doesn’t resemble me. I try another and see someone else who doesn’t look like me.
And as I struggle through the day, my head spins in circles with self-doubt. I try to stop this roller coaster ride, but it keeps on roaring down the tracks.
And when I visit the House of Horrors late at night, I recall all the hurtful words I heard throughout the day. I go from one room to the next, replaying every line. But the basest part of me insists I sling them back. “Surely you aren’t going to let them get away with that!” And so, I say nasty words and push away the ones I love.
~~~
Continue reading below to learn how I was able to step off the roller coaster and regain my true self.
Or explore Foods Itch for another story from My Book.
Dear Friend,
If you’ve ever had unexplained reactions to medications—feeling “off,” unsettled, or affected in ways you couldn’t quite name—you’re not alone. Many people react not to the medication itself, but to the additives inside it.
My own journey through chemical sensitivities led me to discover this the hard way, and compounding ultimately changed everything for me. I share my experience here in case it can help someone else.
Yours Truly,
Darwin’s Mistress
When the Medicine
Makes You Feel Worse
For many people, reactions to medications don’t happen all at once. They show up gradually—first in one form, then another—long before anyone realizes the problem isn’t the drug itself, but the additives mixed into it.
That’s how it unfolded for me, starting with burning and irritation from simple eye drops. As time when on, prescription pills started triggering heavy fatigue and fogginess. Over time, the pattern widened to include OTC remedies.
How Compounding Changed Everything
The turning point came when I needed antihypertensive medication, medication which affected me both physically and psychologically.
I found the best way to express the psychological effects was through my pen in the above excerpt from My Scarlet S. It was from this place of depression and despair that I discovered compounded medications.
Compounded medications are handcrafted by licensed pharmacists and made without the preservatives, dyes, parabens, and other excipients found in standard commercial drugs.
Once my medication was compounded, all of the side effects disappeared. For good. And now when I look in the mirror, I see myself again.
To continue exploring Darwin’s Mistress,
see Foods Itch or the excerpts from
My Book.
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Hearts Mend